Thursday, August 14, 2014
For the past year I've been busy with life. I've been extremely focused at my job, determined to be successful. I haven't always been great at my job and I never really loved or enjoyed my work. The work is draining and to be honest, it's not enjoyable. But I wanted to be good at it. I wanted my coworkers to respect me and my work. So, I made a choice. I DECIDED to be successful. I became focused and extremely aggressive with my job. If I didn't know something, I would look it up and seek the answer. I started to attack workloads without being asked to do so. I took the initiative.
As I took the initiative something amazing happened. I started to enjoy my job. I was learning new things and people were seeking my advice. My confidence level began to soar! I can now say that I like my job and the work I do. Now, I don't want to stay in that position forever but I am content and that is a great feeling.
My personal life has been blooming as well. I've been busy with friends, family and having fun! My nights are filled with Toastmaster meetings, Bible study and dinners with people I love. What can I say--Life is Good!!
While my life has been reaching incredible new heights, something else has been expanding. My waistline. Yep, I've gained about 20 pounds since my last blog post. I knew I gained some weight when my pants were tighter but I didn't realize it was the big 20 until I went to the doctor and stepped on the scale. At first I was embarrassed, then sad, then mad and now disgust. I'm disgusted with the choices I haven't made in regards to myself and my health. I've been so focused with my job and having fun with friends that I lost sight of my ultimate goal; to be healthy and get rid of my granny panties!!
I'm not starting at square one now. I'm starting at negative two. However, I've proved to myself that I can be determined and focused on a goal. I can do this. I can be successful at losing weight and becoming healthy!
Here's to starting over and FINALLY losing those damn granny panties!
Sunday, July 7, 2013
The most important thing I've learned about myself from this journey is I get bored very quickly with exercises. I need a variety of exercise classes and routines to keep my interest. Since last year the only cardio exercise I've been doing is swimming because of my plantar fasciitis in both feet, but I've been wanting to do more cardio. I slowly started walking/jogging intervals as a way to "test" my feet, and so far, so good! Since my feet we're doing great, I felt the time was right to return to Zumba.
I have a membership at my local YMCA and they offer Zumba classes. I've taken Zumba before but only one time at the Y, over a year ago. I usually go to a church near my house but the classes at the Y are included in my membership. Why pay double for a Zumba class?!
The class was Wednesday evening at 5:30. I arrived early and sat on the bench right outside of the room. I was very excited to be there! I loved doing Zumba before and I was ready to do it again. I had my water bottle and my coin skirt. I couldn't wait to shake it and get down!! I saw the Zumba instructor walking down the hallway. She was wearing her Zumba pants and a Zumba tank top. She was pulling a suitcase behind her filled with Zumba goodies. My heart skipped a beat and my mind went into overdrive. "We could be the best of friends! We could tag team a class! Two instructors in one class! This could be awesome! I could change my Facebook name to Zumba Granny! The possibilities are endless."
She unlocked the classroom door and all the waiting students filled the room, people laughing and talking. I followed everyone and stopped in my tracks. I could not believe what I was seeing. Mirrors. TONS OF THEM. The classroom had mirror walls. I immediately said; "These damn mirrors." I was turning to leave the room when I heard a voice say; "I know. I hate them too." I spun around and saw a young woman, about my age. She smiled and sat her water down on the table. I stood there, shocked that someone felt the same way I did about the mirrors. Then I realized she wasn't leaving the class. She hates the mirrors too and she's still doing the class. I decided to do the same thing. I sat my water next to hers and I smiled back at her. Even though we didn't speak again, I felt a kindred spirit with her. Perhaps, her struggles are the same as mine. Perhaps, she tries over and over again with her weight loss journey. Perhaps, one day we will be best friends and we can take down the mirrors together! Once again, the possibilities are endless!
The class was amazing and I think I sweated a gallon of water. My hair was soaked and my face was candy apple red - a true sign that I worked my ass off. During the class, I was well aware of the mirrors but I remained focused on the instructor. There was no time to look at myself when I didn't know the dance moves. I had to focus on her! As I left the room, I quickly glanced in the mirrors and said; "You damn mirrors."
As I left the YMCA, I skipped to my car with an idiot grin on my face. I was so happy that I faced a fear, that I didn't run and hide because I was afraid of the freaking mirrors. I also realized that I need to say focused on my journey. I tend to get discouraged when I see other's losing weight and I'm still trying and trying and trying.
I'm not sure if I'll ever be 100% comfortable doing Zumba with mirrors but I know one thing for sure, I'm not giving up. I will stay focused and see this journey to the end with or without those damn mirrors.
Sunday, May 19, 2013
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Then, I saw a woman. She was getting out of her car, walking towards the building. She was in her forties and she was extremely overweight, almost obese, but she was going inside the gym. I quickly got out of my car, grabbed my gym bag and headed her way. If she could do it, so could I!
I followed him to the machine, logged on and began adjusting the weight and settings. He helped me set it correctly (still in complete silence) and then I started to extend my leg. WOW! I was really feeling it in my butt. In fact, I got so excited that I started grunting and yelled; “J. LO BUTT HERE I COME!!!”
It’s a shame that confidence didn’t last. After my workout, I went back to the locker room, turned the corner and saw the most perfect butt I’ve ever seen in my entire life. And it was looking right at me, smiling almost. My initial thought was who the hell is this skinny bitch and where is that obese woman?? WHERE IS SHE???
I sat on the bench directly across from the naked lady, patiently waiting for her to move so I could get to my locker. I didn’t want to seem odd or strange by just sitting there so I pretended to be stretching from my intense work out. It was the longest stretch of my life! I ran out of stretches to do!! I went to the bathroom, did my business and walked back to the bench and SHE WAS STILL NAKED but this time it wasn’t her butt that was facing me. Now, her perfect boobs were eying me and saying “look at us, look at us!” She stood in front of me completely naked, except now she had shoes on and she was brushing her hair. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON??? All I want to do is get to my locker, get my stuff and leave. I was afraid to ask her to move because if I got too close I might lose control, use my new strength and turn into the Incredible Granny and shove her in a locker. I am not kidding.
The naked lady finally got dressed and left. As I was
getting my stuff out of my locker, my anger subsided and a sense of pride came
over me. I came back to the gym and I conquered it! I faced my fear and it felt
The naked lady finally got dressed and left. As I was getting my stuff out of my locker, my anger subsided and a sense of pride came over me. I came back to the gym and I conquered it! I faced my fear and it felt damn good.
Saturday, March 30, 2013
I did not win today. I didn’t even place in the top three. I know it’s an accomplishment to even make it as far as I did, but I have to admit, I was disappointed. I wanted that darn trophy so bad!! I wanted to hold it, touch it and kiss it. And I really thought winning this speech contest would open more doors for me within the public speaking world.
I followed her around to every machine and watched as she demonstrated how to properly use them. When it was my turn to try the machines, I upped the weight. I’ll be damned if a skinny, 18 year old is gonna out do me in weights! Hell to the no! I’ll show her this 35 year old, granny panty wearing woman can lift more weight than she can!
I was with Ms. Perfect for about an hour and towards the end
of our session, I realized what I had accomplished; I was actually working out
on the machines. Not only can I do my cardio but I’ll be doing strength
training as well! This is a huge step for me. I was afraid to ask someone for
help, afraid of trying something new and afraid of failing.
I was with Ms. Perfect for about an hour and towards the end of our session, I realized what I had accomplished; I was actually working out on the machines. Not only can I do my cardio but I’ll be doing strength training as well! This is a huge step for me. I was afraid to ask someone for help, afraid of trying something new and afraid of failing.
As I drove home, I remembered what that person told me; the
road to success has a lot of no’s. I may hit some road blocks and speed bumps
on the way. I may mess up and fail. But I will continue on MY road. I will
continue my weight loss journey and I will continue stepping out of my comfort
zone. When I think about, there is no other road I’d rather be on.
As I drove home, I remembered what that person told me; the road to success has a lot of no’s. I may hit some road blocks and speed bumps on the way. I may mess up and fail. But I will continue on MY road. I will continue my weight loss journey and I will continue stepping out of my comfort zone. When I think about, there is no other road I’d rather be on.
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
I decided to weigh myself tonight. I can honestly say I wasn’t surprised that I’m almost back to my starting weight. I’m not stupid. I know if I eat crap, I will not lose weight. I know if I don’t work out, I won’t lose the weight. So, the big question is why do I do it? Why can’t I stay away from the sugar?? I want to be healthy and I need to lose 50 pounds (per my doctor), but I can’t resist the sugar.
I’m really disappointed in myself. I feel like I’m letting myself down once again. I feel like I have no control over my cravings and I don’t like feeling this way. It makes me question my abilities, my self-esteem and self-worth. I feel completely powerless.
Powerless – lacking the ability or capacity to act. Ok, I’m
lacking the ability to resist temptations of sugary foods. When I read it out
loud, it sounds simple, almost elementary. In fact, I just said; “You can do
this, Charissa.” But can I really? I’ve tried so many times before and I’ve
always failed. I’m tired of failing, tired of feeling powerless and tired of
Powerless – lacking the ability or capacity to act. Ok, I’m lacking the ability to resist temptations of sugary foods. When I read it out loud, it sounds simple, almost elementary. In fact, I just said; “You can do this, Charissa.” But can I really? I’ve tried so many times before and I’ve always failed. I’m tired of failing, tired of feeling powerless and tired of trying...
Sunday, February 24, 2013
'Cause I try and I try and I try and I try.
I can't get no, I can't get no.
I finally left the break room without a coke or a piece of cake and went back to my cubicle. I sat at my desk ashamed of my food slut ways. I was also confused and mad. Why did I eat that Taco? Why can’t I control my eating more? Why do I turn to food when I’m stressed at work? Why can’t I have a coke and a piece of cake?
I left work and drove to church for my Wednesday night Bible study. Driving to church was just as stressful as my work day. I was irritated that nothing was going my way. I couldn’t eat what I wanted and stupid drivers would not get off the road. I was about to explode!
I finally arrived at church early, went to the usual room we met in and realized we had been moved to another room! UGH!!!!