Thursday, April 4, 2013

Butts, Guts and Glory

I thought going to the gym and using the machines would become easier since my training session with Ms. Perfect. Nope. I was a fool to think that. Two days after meeting with Ms. Perfect, I forced myself back to the gym. This was not an easy task. I dreaded returning to the gym the entire day. When I got off work, I drove straight to the Y and I sat in my car. And I sat there….and sat there. Fear started to set in and everything in me, even my gut, told me to run. I don’t even remember how to use the machines!

Then, I saw a woman. She was getting out of her car, walking towards the building. She was in her forties and she was extremely overweight, almost obese, but she was going inside the gym.  I quickly got out of my car, grabbed my gym bag and headed her way. If she could do it, so could I!
Once inside the gym, we went our separate ways. I quickly changed clothes and headed to the machine area. I went to the desk where Ms. Perfect was last time and approached the young man. I told him; “I can’t remember how to use all the machines. I only remember how to use the butt blaster because I want a J.Lo butt.” His response was nothing. We stared at each other in complete silence. He slowly walked from behind the desk and over to the butt blaster, without saying one word to me.

I followed him to the machine, logged on and began adjusting the weight and settings.  He helped me set it correctly (still in complete silence) and then I started to extend my leg. WOW! I was really feeling it in my butt. In fact, I got so excited that I started grunting and yelled; “J. LO BUTT HERE I COME!!!”

Finally, he spoke! It was a monotone voice, but he spoke! “The little computer tells you what machine to go to next.” And then he went back to his desk and sat down. What a douche bag!
I continued to work out on the 7 remaining machines that were in my circuit. With every machine I was gaining more confidence and (gasp) actually enjoying it! I felt comfortable, strong and sexy! I even started to walk differently, like a pimp with a ton of swag. I know how to handle these machines! I own this place! Who wants to challenge me?! Where’s Ms. Perfect now?!

It’s a shame that confidence didn’t last. After my workout, I went back to the locker room, turned the corner and saw the most perfect butt I’ve ever seen in my entire life. And it was looking right at me, smiling almost. My initial thought was who the hell is this skinny bitch and where is that obese woman?? WHERE IS SHE??? 

I sat on the bench directly across from the naked lady, patiently waiting for her to move so I could get to my locker. I didn’t want to seem odd or strange by just sitting there so I pretended to be stretching from my intense work out. It was the longest stretch of my life! I ran out of stretches to do!! I went to the bathroom, did my business and walked back to the bench and SHE WAS STILL NAKED but this time it wasn’t her butt that was facing me. Now, her perfect boobs were eying me and saying “look at us, look at us!” She stood in front of me completely naked, except now she had shoes on and she was brushing her hair. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON??? All I want to do is get to my locker, get my stuff and leave. I was afraid to ask her to move because if I got too close I might lose control, use my new strength and turn into the Incredible Granny and shove her in a locker. I am not kidding.

The naked lady finally got dressed and left. As I was getting my stuff out of my locker, my anger subsided and a sense of pride came over me. I came back to the gym and I conquered it! I faced my fear and it felt damn good.

As I was leaving the gym, I saw the overweight lady on the treadmill. She didn’t notice me or look my way. I stood by the front desk and watched her for a minute or so. I didn’t know her name or her story but I felt a kindred spirit with her. Was she just as scared as me? Did she have insecurities about the gym? Did she dislike Ms. Perfect too? Did she long to have an ass like J.Lo? I will probably never know the answers to those questions, but I hope to see her again one day. Maybe I will see her on the machines, or be next to her on the treadmill, or maybe I will see her in the locker room. Perhaps, the next naked butt I see will be hers; thin, toned and in my face.

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